@wickedimproper: Who called it a vasectomy and not a cull de sack?
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@EndhooS: [1st day undercover] Me: [to gang of street punks] what up dongs? Voice through earpiece: OMG its DAWGS u idiot Me: is ur gang hiring today?
@juliussharpe: If you just got invited to do something on New Year's Eve, it means someone else cancelled.
@JMNuch23: When a girl tells you how many guys she's slept with, multiply by 3 and add the number of guys in her phone named Tyler
@HeyoShellz: Me: Give me some space, I'm feeling claustrophobic 8 whispers to 9: Leave Mom alone, she has to poop but she can't