@DanMentos: who called it carrying your cell phone in your front pocket instead of hot signals in your area
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@EdgarAllanLo: Pharaohs were buried with their arms crossed over their chests because ancient Egyptians believed they took a waterslide into the afterlife.
@Home_Halfway: DATE'S FATHER: What business do you have with my daughter ME: Oh this isn't a work thing, we're gonna watch a movie and smooch all night
@derekblackmon: I don't mean to sound like a hypochondriac but I was diagnosed with the flu today & I feel like it's been coming on for a few years now.