@jazmasta: Who called it confronting ur husband Stanley about flirty texts from a girl named Rebecca from a former soviet state and not Who'sbeckystan?
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@SaraESpivey: I may eat animals, but at least I wait until they're DEAD. Plants are ALIVE, vegans. You disgust me.
@SpacemanQuisp: Trouble brewing at Symphony Hall. It's the bottom of Beethoven's 9th, and the bassists are loaded.
@freshestginger: If I got a boyfriend I wouldn't know what to do... What do they eat? How often do they need to be walked? Can they be house trained?
@notalogin: Get your faces tattooed on each other, so if the wife ever says 'you're a joke' you can say 'the joke's on you' and disarm the situation.