@jazmasta: Who called it confronting ur husband Stanley about flirty texts from a girl named Rebecca from a former soviet state and not Who'sbeckystan?
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@SardonicTart: I'm glad my office has this giant shredder because otherwise I don't know what I'd do with all this work.
@iwearaonesie: "Don't put it on my plate if you don't want me to eat it!" - me to my kid, who's crying because I ate the playdoh burger he put on my plate
@PressOneForNo: I really hope my 2 year old daughter is this difficult to get into bed when she's 18