@jazmasta: Who called it confronting ur husband Stanley about flirty texts from a girl named Rebecca from a former soviet state and not Who'sbeckystan?
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@TragicAllyHere: Me: Alexa, when will computers become self-aware? Alexa: When will YOU become self-aware? M: *gazing out a window, crying* good one, Alexa
@jwoodham: DATING TIP: Don't reply to texts right away or you might look desperate. Just wait. Give it 5, 10, maybe even 15 years. Keep things casual.
@maisonwithapen: *shitting pants, crying, missing my shoe* yoga instructor: you need to leave me: oh is this not child's pose?