@kamtweeting: Give me a few strong men, and I'll build a nation. Give me a few hot women, and I'll conquer the world.

@JustASmirk: My wife is the most beautiful, intelligent person standing right behind me reading my Twitter feed.

@causticbob: Short skirts have a tendency to make men polite. Have you ever seen a man get on a bus ahead of one?

@AtticusFinch79: *takes off pants* *crawls into bed* Security Guard- Lady, this is Macy's *crawls out of bed* *puts on pants* SG- Those aren't your pants

@nicfit75: Pugs. Because you can't own E.T.