@TheRolo: Me: [Sits down to eat breakfast] Girlfriend: Babe, you forgot the French Toast Me: Oh sorry [raises glass] VIVE LA FRANCE!

@UNTRESOR: If you cut off a mommy blogger's head she can continue mommy blogging for up to three full minutes.

@realHamOnWry: My apologies to Tom Cruise. I honestly thought that Scientologists dug up and studied old scientists.

@GoldenSpirals: My neighbour left her outdoor stereo blaring & went out for the night. I now have a set of speakers for sale, minus the wires. Call me.

@goldengateblond: Watch 'Titanic' backwards and it's the feel-good story of a ship that rescues a bunch of drowning swimmers and takes them on a dream cruise.