@papasuncle: Who called it Scientology and not Cruise control?
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@_NinJar: *wakes up in hospital* What happened? "It was a heart attack" Will I be ok? *a big heart outside slowly taps on window with a bat* "No"
@caliluvgirl77: Grabs intercom: ANYONE WHO WOULD LIKE TO JOIN MY MILITIA, STAY HERE! WE ARE GOING TO OCCUPY THIS OLIVE GARDEN UNTIL I GET MORE BREADSTICKS
@upsidedowntrash: Coworker: crazy weather we're having Me: [as loud as possible] SHARON FOR THE LAST TIME I WILL NOT KILL YOUR HUSBAND FOR A BAG OF REDVINES