@Spaziotwat: Who called it "the equals sign" and not "the aftermath"?
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@charliedelta7: My 4yo: Dad, you're old, right? Me: I'm not that old. 4: You're not new. Me: Go to bed.
@Breadery: When we first dated I thought your freckles were dots of inexcusable cuteness. Now I can see how joined up they draw a pentagram.
@RorynotRoy: You'd think Goldilocks would have been all like, "Damn, it smells like bears in here. Is that a family portrait of bears?! I should leave."
@KateQFunny: Running out of time to be a Trophy Wife, so now just hoping to be an I Finished The Race Tshirt Wife.