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@chuuew: Who called it your foot falling asleep and not coma toes?
@daemonic3: Welcome to Condescending Club. Even an idiot would know the 1st rule. If not, you want paaaatronizing club. You know what that is, riiiight?
@TweeterRead: My kids keep bugging me about dinner even after I told them I already ate...
@aka_fatman: Let's play the Rihanna drinking game! We'll drink a shot of vodka every time she says 'work'.
[2 minutes later]
*house is on fire*
@MichaelSmartGuy: "It's five o'clock somewhere" I say as I leave work at 9am
@trojansauce: [me as a poltergeist]
*putting forks in the spoon section of the cutlery drawer* ooooOooOooooo