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@goldengateblond: Lady at the door asked if I'd found Jesus and I was all HOW IS HE MISSING, IT WAS YOUR DAY TO WATCH HIM. I don't think she'll be back.
@NYC_Blonde: You know that episode of Friends where Joey tries to speak French? That's what I hear when watching the State of the Union Address
@TheMichaelRock: Why would they add "twerk" to the dictionary? People that would use said word can't read.
@TheSadnesses: if I am elected governor I will eat your pillow while you sleep and unlike my opponent I will also do it if I am not elected