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@shutupmikeginn: I just walked in on two coworkers crying in a conference room and I was like, "mind if I join?"
@Brianhopecomedy: I'm circling the auto shop and hoping that my mechanic can hear me yelling, "BRAKES!".
@Jubafisher: If you're having a rough day, remember there are people out there with their ex's names tattooed on them.
@kidphonic: I keep hearing about kids accidentally dying from trying to get an asphyxiation high. What happened to drugs, kids?! We still have drugs!