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@SaddestFinger: how to fall down a long set of stairs: step 1) step 1 step 2) step 3 step 3) step 7 step 4) step 10 step 5) step 15 step 6) step 26
@lizetagge: The closest I've been to murder is holding my choco-chip cookie under the milk until the bubbles stop...
@shadonium: Him: your account was stolen! Me: My twitter account? Him: no your bank account! *sigh* Me: thanks God!
@pixelatedboat: "I'm the world champion of hearing," I lied to the girl at the bar. 20 minutes later the real world champion burst in and hit me in the jaw