@autocorrects: Who comes up with this kinda stuff
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@Elizasoul80: Dear Californians- Quit telling everyone there's a drought. The ocean is right there. You're just lazy.
@3sunzzz: My therapist encouraged me to stop bending over backwards for people. But just between us, I really miss yoga.
@ibid78: [financial advisor] based on your income and savings you can retire at age 116 [me] *slips her $100* let's make it 112 [her] now it's 120
@nerdonfire1: Apparently, the words "I'd still hit it" are words best kept to yourself at a funeral