@autocorrects: Who comes up with this kinda stuff
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@CastAwayKristen: Me: Dropped my phone & now screen doesn’t work. Help forum: Should’ve had a better case. Apparently, my mother works in Samsung support now.
@XplodingUnicorn: 3-year-old: Where do people go when they die? Me: Heaven. 3: I don't want to go there. Me: Why not? 3: It's full of dead people.
@man_spach: My Ebola outbreak brings the CDC to the yard and they're like, sir that's just irritable bowel syndrome.
@SequelsWeWant: Legend of Tarzan 2: Tarzan meets other primates. He befriends them all. He teaches them to fight. It's a prequel to Planet of the Apes.