@Dr_awfulpants: Who decided to call it an English to French dictionary and not a Two - Deux list?
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@Fickle_Filly: The next man who calls me deluded is going to regret it when he finds me sitting in his house wearing a wedding dress.
@KevinBuffalo: I told my daughter we might be getting a blizzard and she asked for one with Reese's pieces
@lecalabara: Wife: I finally caught you. I could hear it from the other room. You were watching a dirty movie. Me: No. Its just womens tennis.
@zombieparrot: Driving and trying to read twitter, I just ran over a poodle. Unfortunately I drive a Yaris. My car got a dent and the poodle got annoyed.