@Deirdreocx: Who decided to call them a personal trainer and not a gym reaper?
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@iamburtjarvis: nurse: are you allergic to any medicine? me: laughter nurse: hahaha. OH MY GOD- me [face swelling up]: i thold thou.
@slimmy_shady: Hot girls who complain that you can't get laid... do you live on a deserted island?
@DosieDoe: US Loretta Lynch confirms that all 7 FIFA officials dramatically threw themselves onto the ground faking injury when arrested earlier today.
@HeyZeus666: In the earliest part of my life I was a man trapped inside a woman's body. Then mom gave birth to me.