@PeteSnacks: Who died and made you king? Oh the king before you died. Well that makes sen- Oh he was your father. Well then I'm very sorry for your loss.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: Do the dishes Me: Can't. Holding the baby Wife: Take out the trash Me: Can't. Baby Wife: Change the baby Me: Can't. Doing dishes.
@GreenishDuck: People with little chains that go from a nose piercing to an earring probably just got sick of losing their ears.
@Monicann86: My Doberman sits on other dogs to assert dominance. I'm going to try this with my co-workers.