@super_morgasm: Who does Santa think he is, judging me?! I might be naughty, but he's fat.
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@egg_dog: imagine a reverse pizza. the missing hole on the table where the pizza is meant to be. everything else is pizza. the solar system. the air.
@CaptainJerkwad: My dentist not only specializes in treating cavities, but he also sells gasoline for your car. Basically he runs two filling stations.
@withanewname: Times are tough, my daughter just repossessed a paper airplane she made me, over a quarter I owed her from yesterday
@EricGoldie: You're right, homeless man on the subway...it is a "clip your toenails into your McDonald's cup" kind of morning.