@super_morgasm: Who does Santa think he is, judging me?! I might be naughty, but he's fat.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@NicestHippo: She ate poison! We have to make her vomit! [everyone looks at me] [i roll my eyes and start getting naked]
@WheelTod: I was the beast man at my sister's wedding, and there isn't a day goes by that I don't wish that that was a typo.
@LionJenkins: Lawyer: Your Honor, this verdict is bullshit. I'm outta here! Judge: Litigator! Lawyer: After a while crocodile.
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Hold still. All I need to do is wipe your nose. Toddler: *dodges the tissue like she's in the Matrix*