@super_morgasm: Who does Santa think he is, judging me?! I might be naughty, but he's fat.
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@ThaJawn: Me: *dying Priest: God has a plan Me: *dies, goes to heaven God: Great you're here. Can you get me the remote off the table?
@FrenulumBreve: [romantic dinner] her: "I was hoping it might just be the two of us." ventriloquist dummy: "he said I help with his confidence."
@VodkaThursday: I'm putting "open bar" on my invitations, but its gonna be a cash bar. Just because its my 3rd wedding doesn't mean u can skip it, slackers.