@super_morgasm: Who does Santa think he is, judging me?! I might be naughty, but he's fat.
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@AKATriple: To the first two people who thought Superman was a bird or plane... why the hell were you so excited?
@realHamOnWry: According to the most current magazine in this doctor's office, every home in America will have a television by 1962.
@ArfMeasures: ME: This house is haunted WIFE [sigh] We've been thru this, that's our son SON: I just have a pale complexion Dad ME: TELL ME YOU HEARD THAT
@pizzajaynow: When someone yawns, I like to yell "Surprise Dentist!" and stick my hand in their mouth, which is fun because I'm not really a dentist.