@BerrryDLite: Who hired those 10 Americans to go to Brazil and pretend like they like soccer?
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@bourgeoisalien: I can't stop coughing. Think I'll go see a movie in a crowded theater while slowly eating a bag of bone-dry popcorn.
@dmc1138: This one time, I got kicked out of the audience of "Cats" on Broadway for bringing a laser pointer.
@thedailymarker: When life gives me lemons, I make lemon meringue pie..because lemonade is for amateurs...& because I'm gay..& we always take it up a notch.
@chris_isloi: Whenever someone is about to tell me about their day, I just cover my ears and yell "SPOILER ALERT!"