@daemonic3: Who is the idiot that called it "possession of marijuana" and not "joint custody"?
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@Bearslietoo: Noticed a spider while I was driving,so I did what any normal person would do and carefully trapped it in a napkin and set my car on fire.
@mrsmith196645: I've concluded English is my phone's second language. It's the only explanation for all the bizarre autocorrects and typos that plague me.
@YUCKYBOT: The difference between my "Maine lobster" and my "main lobster" is boiling water or a high five.
@cervixsmash: The person who invented marriage was creepy as hell like hey yo I love you so much I'm gonna get the government involved so you can't leave