@LoveNLunchmeat: Who knew a midlife crisis could have so few convertibles and so many cats?
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@Love_bug1016: overrated: crying in the shower underrated: using the shower rack for all the assorted condiments for your shower tacos
@stephenjmolloy: Wife: "I'm tired of you endlessly misquoting Arnold Schwarzenegger films. I'm leaving you." Me: "You'll be back."
@danchovy: I'm the dog whisperer. I'll whisper the word "dog" 20.. hell, 30 times if the price is right
@JasonIsbell: People always say “unceremoniously fired” like it ever happens any other way. I’d like to see a big ceremony for firing somebody. Get the gang together. Order a cake. Wear some special robes.