@Matt_the_1st: Who me? Ohhh, I'm just driving around town, painting "free candy" on the side of creepy looking vans.
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@smickable: My mom is having a hysterectomy. This is like the time I moved away to college and she tore down my childhood bedroom.
@Coolisiana: (Job interview) "How would you describe yourself?" I'm very vague "Ok, can you be more specific?" No
@WilliamAder: Drove a wedge of suspicion today between the fast food employee at the first window and the one at the second.
@jazmasta: *hairstylist holds mirror behind my head after styling my hair* "Is that ok for you sir?" "Yes that is a beautiful mirror. I'll take it"