@underrateDad: "Who peed in here and didn't flush?" is the new "good morning" in my house...
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@JJSummertime: Now I lay me down to rest. I pray your TC loves you best. If he does choose another, I sincerely hope it's not your mother.
@iwearaonesie: wife *comes running out of the bedroom* Kill it! Kill it! me *runs in* wife: Did you get it!? me [has no idea wtf she's talking about] Yep
@JeannieG40: Relationship status: Sitting in Home Depot parking lot, car hood open, and asking men if they can jump me.
@weinerdog4life: The date was going great until she spooked me and then I squirted her with ink and quickly swam away