Who said losing weight was difficult? "Hello Blood Center? How much longer before I can donate another pint?"

@grahamlynas: Remember folks 😂

5

@causticbob: Burglars broke into Kanye West's home. As a result, 500 statues of Kanye West are missing.

3

@TheTweetOfGod: St. Patrick's Day may just be an excuse to drink, but then again so is Ireland.

1

@zacharyflynn: If a mouse family ever stole my iPhone and used it as a flat screen TV then I'm okay with it as long as they're happy.

248

@UnFitz: "The Godfather" teaches us that: 1. Nothing is more important than family and 2. Our families are always trying to kill us.

113

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