@internetluke: [talking to zoo attendant as I slowly take out a $50 bill]
"No"
What?
"You can't sit in the Kangaroos pouch"
*places $50 back in my pocket*
@mikefossey: Guy: I'll pay for my coffee and the guy behind me
Me: hi thanks can I get a large coffee with 85 espresso shots
@causticbob: When the doctor told me I only had six months to live, I killed him violently with his own pencil.
Worked a treat.
Got me twenty years.
@iGreenMonk: Some day when scientists discover the center of the universe, many people are going to be disappointed to find out it isn't them.
@The_GetawayGirl: everyone telling you that you're beautiful on the Internet is an escaped convict.
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