@lilgapeach30: Who the hell decided "have a happy period" was an okay thing to write on maxi pads? "NOT WORTH THE JAIL TIME" would have been more relevant.
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@dafloydsta: WIFE: Please take the trash out ME: Ok *later that night* ME: I'm having a nice time TRASH: Wow, the food here is spicy AF
@PaperWash: Perfect Date: 1) Get kids out of the house 2) Light some candles 3) Burn the house down 4) Collect the insurance 5) Take her somewhere nice
@funderlaw: Wife is "not angry" that I ate her Pringles..... So, I'll be sleeping with one eye open, like a mob boss.