@lilgapeach30: Who the hell decided "have a happy period" was an okay thing to write on maxi pads? "NOT WORTH THE JAIL TIME" would have been more relevant.
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@MomOfTeen: "Feel the burn" yells my fitness instructor as I think that's probably how Satan greets people in Hell.
@sarahjeong: the turkey takes his mask off it's edward snowden obama groans, it's too late to unpardon him now
@ShawnHatosy: I ate a chocolate bar in bed last night & my wife said, "you have a problem" so I replied, "no, you have a problem; I have a chocolate bar."