@lilgapeach30: Who the hell decided "have a happy period" was an okay thing to write on maxi pads? "NOT WORTH THE JAIL TIME" would have been more relevant.
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@batkaren: [5:30AM] BRAIN: I'll just go to the bathroom, but keep my eyes closed so I don't wake up. BODY: I'll just clip my head on the door frame.
@ericsshadow: "To prove how much I love you I'm going to eat this entire pizza." That's not what I - "Please stop. Let me do this."
@mortimermaiden: [science fair] Kid: I made a volcano! Judge: *trampling children* EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF!