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@jessokfine: When someone says "women like you" to me, I assume they're referring to extremely powerful wizards.
@Try2StopME: Hockey is more enjoyable if you pretend they're fighting over the world's last Oreo.
@deardilettante: [ first date ] Me. Do you take drugs? Him. I never touch them. Me. Perfect. Can I have a urine sample?
@NoogsCorner: Guys, check out this cool trick I learned. Take your upper lip and make it touch your lower lip. Now keep them like that.