@4ScoreN20Bowls: Whoever decided to spell it Albuquerque instead of Albakirky. You're a fuquing quoqusuquer
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@drinksmcgee: [Park] Parent 1: That's my kid on the slide. Parent 2: That's mine on the swing. Me: The one spray painting "Slayer" on that baby is mine.
@Tmoney68: The biggest lie in advertising is someone taking a bite of a hard shell taco & it not immediately exploding in their hands.
@noogscorner: Batman: *puts on glasses* Hey do I still look like Bruce Wayne? Superman: Um obviously. Batman: Think about that for a second.
@daemonic3: CANADIAN: Let's watch a movie AMERICAN: Have you seen Titanic? CANADIAN: What's that about? AMERICAN: Yes, it was. A huge one that sank