@4ScoreN20Bowls: Whoever decided to spell it Albuquerque instead of Albakirky. You're a fuquing quoqusuquer
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@SeanEmeny: My reaction to Kit Kat prices: $1 good deal. $1.25 ok. $1.50 whoa. $1.75 what are we at the OPERA?!
@KeetPotato: [in heaven after crucifixion] jesus: "they were horrible dad, im pleased im not going back there" god: [rubbing his neck] "see the thing is"
@PeachCoffin: I've said it before and I'll say it again, if you drive a Nissan but don't call it Liam then what is even the point of you
@iwearaonesie: *quietly tries to open a bag of chips while son walks around looking for his bag of chips*