@inmybox07: Whoever designated mini cupcakes as "two-bite" has greatly underestimated my #cupcake eating abilities.
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@TheTweetOfGod: Your life flashes before your eyes right before you die. It takes an average of 70-80 years.
@ArfMeasures: FRIEND: Remember, women love confidence ME: Ok [Later] DATE: So *smiles* am I gonna have a good time tonight? ME *confidently* nope
@NintenDom: It's never going to work out between Mario and the Princess. Most of the time she's on a whole other level.
@summerofbenny: "I think this chlorine is healing my anal fissure." - Things not to say in a swimming pool. Apparently.