@Josievorenkamp: Whoever figured out that you can make cake in a mug in under a minute was probably really going through some shit.
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@shutupmikeginn: Sea turtles happened when god got stoned one night and wondered what would happen if a frisbee was a lizard.
@SlabBaconBP: My son asked me what humble means. I told him it means pretending you're not better than everybody else.
@sageboggs: "Is that the guy who doesn't know how to use the word poignant?" Yea shhh he's coming over here THE GUY: hey guys! long time no poignant