@WilliamAder: Whoever gets the gift from me that has scissors under the wrapping paper, I'm going to need those back.
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@Audenary: Vicar: The bride and groom have written their own vows. *Everyone lets out a huge groan as Tolstoy reaches into his suit pocket*
@carlyken: Every Political Ad Ever: I'm a rich guy who's not like the other rich guy he's a total douche. *Paid for by my rich guy friends*
@GrantTanaka: *lowers head *breaks thru 5 tackles *hurdles lineman *runs 100 yards *hamstrung at goal line *dragged back to line of scrimmage -my wedding
@Naked_Wombat: 9: You like Twitter Dad? Me: Yep 9: I'll join and be your friend. M: Cool, extra math is great! 9: It's a math thing? M: yep 9: nevermind