@momTruthBomb: Whoever had the bright idea of putting book jackets on children's books clearly never had children of their own.
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@WeissBrandon: Oh no sir, that shark wasn't attacking me, my wife was yelling at me from the shore so I was just trying to swim into his mouth.
@RyanAndrewMitch: I only accept chocolate chip cookie bribes, THE SOFT ONES CHRISTY, NOT THE GARBAGE YOU GAVE ME.
@sixfootcandy: Me: Throw it back. It's too small. Him: Ma'am, this is your child. Me: Fine. Use him as bait.