@SortaBad: Whoever invented grass must be a billionaire that stuff is everywhere
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@Ygrene: [Murderer in the middle of murdering me] Can you put your phone down for 2 seconds while I'm murdering you I mean really
@djdarrellripley: Her: In case you're interested, I'm dying. Me: Then I'll only set one place for dinner.
@Gooooats: People who criticize the year 2016 seem to have forgotten that back in May McDonald's accidentally gave me a Chicken McNugget with my fries.
@CamusOverEasy: If you took the Facebook IQ Test and it determined you’re a Genius, the fact that you participated in a Facebook test negates the results.