@Dutch_50: Whoever invented the carpet sweeper probably died laughing.
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@Underchilde: Stop, drop and roll if your clothes are on fire or if you spot your ex under the mistletoe.
@mstluvstrinkets: Is it against the law for postal workers to smile or was it my audacity to mail something?
@WittySassBasket: If I had all the money, I would pay people to sneak up behind you and blast a bullhorn right before you hit send on a political tweet.
@E_lok44: One drink, I feel glamorous Two, I get amorous Three, a bit stammerous Anymore than four, I'm on the floor, all drooly and hammerous