@Dutch_50: Whoever invented the carpet sweeper probably died laughing.
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@Beardson: I'm simultaneously drinking Starbucks and a Monster, in case I need to do something extreme and be a snob about it, within the next 30 min.
@ArfMeasures: THERAPIST: What do u wish for? WIFE [smiles at me] That we regain the passion & intimacy of our early years together ME: A penguin butler
@dreadnaught69: People who incessantly go on and on about replacing things that taste good with quinoa, please stop