@daplusk: Whoever invented the forklift over estimated the weight of forks
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@Home_Halfway: BARISTA: I have an order for...God? Is there a God? [no one answers] ATHEIST: Haha told ya GOD: *exiting bathroom* Sorry I'm here ATH: Shit
@GloriaFallon123: A woman told me at dinner she liked me because I'm "not afraid to eat bread"--so I'm done with socializing for at least a year thanks
@WhaJoTalkinBout: [text] Hub: I have to go to the doctor. Me: Is it your eyes? Hub: Yes! Me: Is your vision blurry? Hub: Yes!! Me: You're wearing my contacts.