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@daplusk: Whoever invented the forklift over estimated the weight of forks
@AdinaSunny: Mother Earth: I'm not a regular mom. I'm a Cool Mom.
[humans pollute the atmosphere and destroy nature]
Earth: This is fine. I'm a Cool Mom
@eyeswidebutt: [dinner table]
gfs dad: so what do you do for a living
me: human trafficking
gf: he's a crossing guard dad
@internetluke: [boys at work talking sports]
Them: what's your favorite sport
@Michael_Erhart: Me: "I'm so lonely."
Microscopic organism: "Wow, I'm right here."
@DomesticGoddss: Doing United States puzzle with 7 when he tells me that "Alabama should be called Mr. Sippi since it's next to Mrs. Sippi."