@daplusk: Whoever invented the forklift over estimated the weight of forks
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@jergarl: I wanna join a gang so I can get in a street fight with a rival gang and intimidatingly snap my fingers to a clever song about friendship.
@thejessbess: (interviewer): do you have any questions? (me): ya can a werewolf bite really kill a vampire?
@DamienFahey: When Chipotle says, "Guacamole is $1.50 extra, is that ok?" I pause, then say, "Hang on, let me call my financial advisor."
@HatfieldAnne: Whom the gods would destroy, they first give the WORST leg cramp and you can’t even get up fast because the cat is on you.