@man_spach: Whoever is bringing me the 3 dozen donuts each morning, thank you. But could you just leave them on my desk and not in the break room?
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@SteveSuckington: "Why did u jump off that bridge?" My friend did it too "Well if your friend jumped off a bridge would u?" Yes. I literally just said that
@GuyThe_Guy: I'm starting to think the guy that gave me directions to the train station was just talking to someone on his Bluetooth.
@TheHyyyype: [i'm on the ship's deck, dragging around a board by a rope] PIRATE CAPTAIN: *rubs temples* that's not what i meant by "walk the plank"
@carlyken: I'm not afraid of dying. I'm afraid of ending up in a nursing home with a roommate who has Justin Bieber posters and Twilight shirts.