@1MeLrO: Whoever just called my mom 3 minutes after she called me
You are a God!
@veggiefemme: My mom doesn't understand that powdered donuts are eaten over cd cases while in cars, and my friends love donuts, and that's why. (Not blow)
@kelkulus: Nobody has 3 cats. You either have 1 or 2, but from there you leap directly to 17.
@clarkekant: ISIS, meet ebola. Ebola, meet ISIS. Problem solved.
@HomeProbably: I hate it when I'm by the window and make eye contact with someone outside, so I understand why this lady is shocked to see me up a tree.
@TheMichaelRock: It's difficult to be romantic when your dog always eats the trail of McNuggets leading to the bedroom.