@1MeLrO: Whoever just called my mom 3 minutes after she called me
You are a God!
@TheAttachedGF: You think we should see other people? I'm bipolar. I am other people.
@reczit: Ancient guys used to invent good stuff because they never had to untangle their headphones seventy three times every day.
@be_yourownhero: 10:00 am: sitting alone at work
10:05 am: my pudding cup is my new best friend
10:06 am: ate my best friend
10:07 am: sitting at work alone
@hurlarious: Why doesn't every mistake in real life I make have a squiggly red line underneath it?
@NicCageMatch: A magician's wife gives birth to a long series of brightly colored scarves