@donni: Whoever named them "sugar cookies" could've tried a little harder.
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@MouthOfSass: Just found some clothes my ex left here. Perfect timing since I'm out of toilet paper.
@UrbanDouchebag: Wish I had a dollar for every time I've heard, "Actually sir, we have you on camera."
@nishadtrivedi: Give a man an axe and he'll kill a person. Teach a man how to incorrectly spray on Axe and he'll kill everyone in a 30-ft radius.