@TheAlexNevil: Whoever said "Just showing up is half the battle" (a) didn't understand battles and (b) probably died quickly after showing up.
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@longwall26: Martial arts movie, starring me Master: You wish to learn to fight? Me: Yes Master: The training is very difficult Me: Oh then no The End
@RandomManik: GF texted me that her ex wants to get her back. So I texted, "I care for you. Don't do this". I'm still working on what to reply to my GF.
@Spaziotwat: [Creation] God: *creates the crab Crab: "wtf?" God:"You're a crab" Crab:"wtf?" God:"Now go forth" Crab: *walks sideways "WTAF?!"