@GrandadJFreeman: Whoever said "money doesn't grow on trees" has obviously never sold weed.
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@wittwitbarista: I just saw a woman push 5 little kids in a shopping cart out of Walmart. I didn't realize that you could get them in bulk now.
@astutenewf: YOU SHOULD BE CALLED JEHOVAH'S FITNESS! I yell as I lose my breath chasing them down the street.
@PaperWash: [1st date] me: are you cold? date: *shivering* a little me: *putting second hoody on* that sucks
@Chumpstring: [car dealership] ME: [not savvy] i need a new car SALESMAN: what kind ME: car SALESMAN: haha what kind of car ME: [perspiring freely] new