@Vodkantots: Whoever said, "there's no place like home for the holidays" clearly hasn't been to my house.
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@sweb74: Studies found that 1 in 4 men are gay, meaning someone in my close group of friends is gay. I hope its Dave, he's really cute...
@theshamingofjay: Friend 1: I was promoted. Friend 2: I got engaged. Friend 3: My wife is pregnant again. Me: One of my selfies almost got 50 likes.
@Dawn_M_: My friend got a tattoo of his wife's name so I guess he loves her as much as he loves barbed wire.
@Home_Halfway: When a barista dies coffee beans are placed on each eye before they float down a frappuccino river to forever misspell the names of the dead