@Vodkantots: Whoever said, "there's no place like home for the holidays" clearly hasn't been to my house.
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@TheTweetOfGod: Today is National Girlfriend's Day. But it will never be National Marriage Day. The calendar's just not ready for that kind of commitment.
@stephenjmolloy: Wife: "Ian is coming over." Me: "Ian from work or Ian who is good at disguises?" Wife: "Ian- *pulls off mask* -who is good at disguises!"
@Monicann86: Every morning I wake up super pissed at my parents because I have to go to work instead of living off a trust fund.