@Vodkantots: Whoever said, "there's no place like home for the holidays" clearly hasn't been to my house.
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@OtherDanOBrien: Dentist: You don't have to floss all your teeth. Only the ones you wanna keep! *I start flossing his teeth* D: Um... Me: These are mine now
@Sarcasticsapien: I hate when people say "Look at me when I'm talking to you." I mean, c'mon, one inconvenience at a time.
@weinerdog4life: Me: it's robocop Wife: it's not robocop it's dangerous *a roomba with a gun taped to it is shooting at our cat*
@moose_chocolate: Super Mario Brothers left me with highly unrealistic expectations of how exciting a career in plumbing would be.