@ScottFilmCritic: Whoever stacked these books is both evil and hilarious.
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@ClichedOut: *getting murdered* Me: *pointing to murderer's t-shirt* Ha ha, you went to a Justin Bieber concert
@richardosman: My answer to the question "where would you most like to work?" is the same as to the question "what's your favourite dog?" Chocolate lab.
@Jake_Vig: My arm fell asleep, which is understandable, considering how boring the rest of my body has been.
@cepheusjackson: WIFE: How's the ventriloquism going? ME: Not good. WIFE: But I got you that Ventriloquism For Dummies book. ME: I don't think he read it.