@MomOnFire: Whoever taught my five-year-old daughter how to "air quote," I need to speak with you privately.
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@dreadnaught69: People who incessantly go on and on about replacing things that taste good with quinoa, please stop
@bathflyer: My boss always calls me Sweetypie when he wants me to get him coffee..I estimate he's swallowed a bucket of my spit in the last 4 years..
@MidlifeDish: "This is the last time I'm going to tell you!" *Biggest lie parents tell kids "And I mean it." *Biggest lie parents tell themselves
@mattZillaaaa: My credit card company sent me a final notice bill. Good, I was tired of hearing from them