@ShakesREMIX: Whom hath released the hounds? Whom? Whom? Whom? Whom?
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@david8hughes: [first day as furniture salesman] Guy [inspecting bed]: nice, solid frame. Who makes it? Me: you or your wife. Whoever gets up last really
@jwoodham: I can't make it tonight. There's a couple fighting at Target and the guy just started sarcastically clapping. I need to see where this goes.
@daemonic3: Kids today are too obsessed with their phones to care about the "free candy" on my van. *crosses off "candy" and writes "wi-fi"
@WildeThingy: Ultracrepidarianism is the habit of giving opinions & advice on matters outside one's knowledge or competence. Or, as I call it, tweeting.