@whisperedjoy: Whomever came up with the saying "Make love not war" was obviously not married.
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@Sickayduh: Wife: Have u done anything today? Me: Rode my bike on the back tire down the street Wife: Wheelie? Me: Yes, really, and cut the baby talk
@nonchalantnacho: Dear family, Since I am unemployed, for Christmas you have a choice of a hug or I'll rap Eminem songs for 5 minutes for you. Love, Danielle
@scorpicpanda: When the imaginary zebras start sawing off your legs, it's time to lay off the hard stuff.