@michaeljhudson: Whoops, pizza sauce on my hands. Better wash this off with soap and water. Oh poop on my ass? I'll just use this dry paper and call it good.
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@rolldiggity: Even scarier than seeing a shark fin in the water is seeing a lion mane, because you know the chase isn't over once you reach land.
@WildeThingy: Freddie Mercury: "Hey Brian, what rhymes with scaramouche?" Brian May: um... Fandango? Freddie: "Perfect!" *snorts another line of coke*
@bathflyer: A ponytail so tight I look 5 years younger and everyone thinks I've been smiling all day.