@RobertJrDowney: Who's idea was it to package scissors in a package what requires scissors to open.
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@Wuttercuerk: "Hi I'm here to interview for the branch manager position." "We're only hiring tree trimmers." "That's exactly what I just said."
@InternetHippo: [greeting aliens] Hello, we are the smartest animals on this planet. Every week we give the grass a little haircut
@CandyCrisis: Captain Hook hated Paper Scissors Rock since he could only play Question Mark, which had no value in the game.