@TheBoydP: Who's the idiot that called it "The Wizard of Oz" and not "The Flair Witch Project"?
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@Aspersioncast: When a woman says she'll be ready in 5 minutes, I know I have just enough time to fly to space & finish building my Death Star before we go.
@sara_ashlynn: My son kneed himself on the trampoline. *black eye forming Me: Son, we need to come up with a better story than this.
@ehchinoo: *looking under hood of car* "Well there's your problem" *removes cardboard box with engine drawn on it*
@JohnLyonTweets: Thanks for telling me this is your "pet cat" because otherwise I might have thought it was your business associate cat.