@thestlouisan: Who's the idiot who named the song 'The Sound of Silence' and not
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@mellimelle: Just because I'm Irish doesn't mean I am always drunk. It means I always want to be.
@velvettusk: If you held a gun to my head and forced me to choose Tobey Maguire's Spider-Man or Andrew Garfield's, I'd probably shit my pants.
@generaldietz: [Olive Garden] Me: *walks in* Hostess: *hands me shovel* Bury the bodies in the back. Me: Huh? Hostess: When you're here you're family.