@joshgondelman: "Why am I not asleep?" he thought, while shining a beam of pure information directly into his eyes from eight inches away.
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@Roweboat13G: I believe in karma which means I can do bad things to people all day long and just assume they deserve it.
@dave_cactus: *sees a truck* Nice. *sees a trucker* Oh, impressive. *sees a truckest* Ah yes. This is what I came for.
@ericsshadow: "GO TO YOUR ROOM AND STAY THERE" KID: *goes kicking and screaming* TEEN: You can't do this, I have plans tonight ADULT: Thank you so much
@_The_Man__: Wife: The zoo called Me: [wearing hat made out of live lemurs] they say what they want?