@TheTweetOfGod: "Why are all the good ones either married, gay or the Son of God?" - Mary Magdalene.
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@briangaar: [checks facebook] I don't remember everyone I went to high school with loving the national anthem this much
@flashember: *Wildebeest film crew clatters into David Attenborough's bedroom* ATTENBOROUGH: What the- WILDEBEEST DIRECTOR: HOW DO YOU LIKE IT DAVID
@TrolleyCat: I'm not helping to save the environment until bears let me ride them around like cars. It's a group effort, bears.
@ShesARealGenius: ME: Brad's here HUSBAND: Brad who needs space or Brad who's paranoid about being murdered? BRAD: OMG u 2 are smothering me ME: I've no idea