@katlamcglynn: Why are books the only thing advertised as "Wherever books are sold." You can't sell other stuff by saying "Wherever you get this shit, IDK"
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@suz1973luq: Text exchange: me- we need eggs. hub- how many? Me- One. See if they will sell you just one.
@abbycohenwl: *releases helium-filled heart balloon* Me: You're free now Balloon: Ima choke a bird
@david8hughes: [at ultrasound] Nurse: there it is. There's your baby Me visibly relieved: oh Jesus thank u Wife whispering to nurse: he thought it was bees
@BenBrouckaert: If there isn't a fireworks company whose slogan is "our business is booming," that seems like a real missed opportunity.