@NicestHippo: Why are cops the only ones who get to go undercover? Why can't a dentist? Coming soon, Undercover Dentist
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@Mindless4Miles: Before seeing why your toddler has been quiet for 10 mins it's best to first call the plumber and write your apology letter to the landlord.
@platinum2000: "How much ice does it take to preserve a dead body?" *I ask on twitter because googling it gets people caught.
@ChipKellysBalls: Sylvester Stallone is looking more and more like G.I Joe doll put in a microwave on high for twenty minutes
@panmidwest: [Walk into a Cat Cafe] Me-I've never eaten cat. What do you recommend? Lady-They're for adopting not eating M-Oh, well can I adopt one? L-No