@timdonakowski: Why are gifts in airports so expensive? God's punishing you for waiting until the flight home to buy your wife a gift.
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@bad_as_you_want: My boss said , "Dress for the job you want, not the job you have." Now I'm sitting in a disciplinary meeting wearing my wonder woman costume
@sandjoeman: I love when people tell me they'll "see me in hell" as if I'm not gonna weasel my way out of those plans too.
@1Happytwit: 6yo's can't go to jail so I have no idea why this one's refusing to drive me home from the pub.