@timdonakowski: Why are gifts in airports so expensive? God's punishing you for waiting until the flight home to buy your wife a gift.
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@_Tempo11: Sure I get excited when he unzips his pants. I'm pretending it's the sound of his body bag.
@OhMattyBoy: I love the people in parking lots with "free kittens" signs because I too feel that kittens shouldn't be oppressed.
@illiter8too: Hey boy, are you a fitted sheet? Because you're complicated as hell and hard to manage, but I definitely want you on this mattress.
@xysist: Women are so jealous. I bet Eve counted Adam's ribs everyday to see if another woman had been created.