@timdonakowski: Why are gifts in airports so expensive? God's punishing you for waiting until the flight home to buy your wife a gift.
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@VanVeenB: Good mothers let you lick the beaters when they're making a cake. Great mothers turn the mixer off first.
@PajamaStew: Through a telescope, I see a woman on a planet light years away. She waves. I wave. I awkwardly realize she is waving to the guy behind me.