@AngelaEhh: Why are people giving something up for lint? I'm sweeping that shit up every day if you want some more.
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@KeetPotato: date: [breaks 3 minute silence] "you dont have to use the chopsticks just to impress me" me: [trying to pick up my beer] "i can do it"
@juliussharpe: The Super Bowl is a great opportunity to let 200 million people know your ad agency sucks.
@daemonic3: ME: We're adopting a baby! FRIEND: Congrats! Will you need my old baby gate? ME: [considers summoning a baby] Nah, we'll get one from this dimension
@_eric_alexander: I'm gonna start carrying breath mints around in an engagement ring box just to briefly make women really uncomfortable during conversation.